Night out with friends that became a therapy session in itself.
Today I became a robot and felt the protective wall coming up. Unfortunately, this wall get super thick, closes up really tight.
The therapist said it's ok to have a wall. We all need it in some way or another. But I feel myself pulling away. Getting mad at everything. Wait, robots don't get mad. I feel more... apathy. Is apathy a feeling?
I feel like every single decision - every single one - is in my hands. Whether it's what we're having for dinner, the fact my tire is flat and I don't know what to do about it, how I get Luther's pants fixed so they don't fall off, how do I get my sales up at my store, I really don't actually have a day off because all my days off are spent with Luther or with some form of the illness... I work a long day and I come home and need to do everything, every thing because that's just how it is.
I know. I know.... there are worse things. But this is my thing.
I put on my robot shield, I put the emotions away, I protect my heart so I don't feel and that way, I can get stuff done.